Dear Blog,
I just wanted to let you know that I'm leaving you. I think I have a few friends that still read you.. Will you please tell them that I'm going to be taking you down while I'm gone? But don't worry, I'll bring you back to life in 18 months.
Love, Denali
Thursday, May 2, 2013
Friday, April 26, 2013
Time
I used to always want time just for myself. I just wanted to spend my time on the laptop or computer after getting home from school & finishing my homework.
I was a loner, in a good way.
When I lived in Utah I was pretty good about getting out and doing something during the day, in addition to homework. And when I came home at night I'd have just enough time for dinner and part of a movie or show. I went to concerts & school events, or I had a night class.
I was always busy, and not with just material things.
When I moved home I was shocked at how much the family relies on the media for entertainment, to just fill the hours of the day.
Even when I started working at my current job, if I didn't have the radio on or a TV station on it was hard for me to clean the houses that I was assigned.
And now, as I'm starting to detox, to do away with my media time, I'm really understanding how it's impacting my life.
Tonight my littlest sister had a concert. I had the choice of whether to go or to stay home. Originally I just wanted to stay home and watch some movies that I rented today. But then I realized how silly that was.
I put the media before my family. The next time I will have the opportunity to go to one of her concerts will be in December 2014; this was the last time I will see my sister in an elementary school concert. By the time I get back she'll be in junior high.
Time really means something to me again.
And I hope that I don't lose sight of that.
The mission will definitely help me keep this new realization of mine, that what you do with the time you currently have is what defines the future.
And I really hope that I don't fall back into my old ways, of sometimes losing sight of what's important because the media seems cooler, after I return from my mission. :]
I was a loner, in a good way.
When I lived in Utah I was pretty good about getting out and doing something during the day, in addition to homework. And when I came home at night I'd have just enough time for dinner and part of a movie or show. I went to concerts & school events, or I had a night class.
I was always busy, and not with just material things.
When I moved home I was shocked at how much the family relies on the media for entertainment, to just fill the hours of the day.
Even when I started working at my current job, if I didn't have the radio on or a TV station on it was hard for me to clean the houses that I was assigned.
And now, as I'm starting to detox, to do away with my media time, I'm really understanding how it's impacting my life.
Tonight my littlest sister had a concert. I had the choice of whether to go or to stay home. Originally I just wanted to stay home and watch some movies that I rented today. But then I realized how silly that was.
I put the media before my family. The next time I will have the opportunity to go to one of her concerts will be in December 2014; this was the last time I will see my sister in an elementary school concert. By the time I get back she'll be in junior high.
Time really means something to me again.
And I hope that I don't lose sight of that.
The mission will definitely help me keep this new realization of mine, that what you do with the time you currently have is what defines the future.
And I really hope that I don't fall back into my old ways, of sometimes losing sight of what's important because the media seems cooler, after I return from my mission. :]
Sunday, April 21, 2013
A final family vacation :]
I had such an amazing weekend..
It was simply beautiful.
Not only did I get an entire weekend off; this is only the second weekend where I have been able to have Sunday and Saturday off with my job (I've been there since October).
I was also able to have a vacation with the family.
And I was reminded of how much Heavenly Father and His son, Jesus Christ love me. I was able to spend time in the Anchorage Temple, a temple of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It was beautiful.
Since I will be leaving for my mission in two weeks, this was my last vacation with the family.
Although I wanted to throw my siblings' stuffed animals out of the car.. And my little sister and I elbowed each other to bruises when we had to share the same bed (I'm surprised I didn't kick her off the bed!). I really wish I had a remote that only had a 'mute' button on it. I didn't even get to go swimming! My sisters were fangirling over One Direction & Justin Bieber the entire time. I went shopping- but was not able to check anything off my list of things I needed for my mission. And I only got 2 catnaps on the ride home, which means I was grumpy.
So much went wrong.. But the things that went right, or ended up being simply amazing, absolutely made up for the little hiccups in our vacation. :]
I'm glad that my last vacation with the family was so memorable!!
Pictures- some of the beautiful mountains that we saw on the drive back from Anchorage & little sister is a pro at taking selfies :]
It was simply beautiful.
Not only did I get an entire weekend off; this is only the second weekend where I have been able to have Sunday and Saturday off with my job (I've been there since October).
I was also able to have a vacation with the family.
And I was reminded of how much Heavenly Father and His son, Jesus Christ love me. I was able to spend time in the Anchorage Temple, a temple of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It was beautiful.
Since I will be leaving for my mission in two weeks, this was my last vacation with the family.
Although I wanted to throw my siblings' stuffed animals out of the car.. And my little sister and I elbowed each other to bruises when we had to share the same bed (I'm surprised I didn't kick her off the bed!). I really wish I had a remote that only had a 'mute' button on it. I didn't even get to go swimming! My sisters were fangirling over One Direction & Justin Bieber the entire time. I went shopping- but was not able to check anything off my list of things I needed for my mission. And I only got 2 catnaps on the ride home, which means I was grumpy.
So much went wrong.. But the things that went right, or ended up being simply amazing, absolutely made up for the little hiccups in our vacation. :]
I'm glad that my last vacation with the family was so memorable!!
Pictures- some of the beautiful mountains that we saw on the drive back from Anchorage & little sister is a pro at taking selfies :]
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Boston, Massachusetts & West, Texas </3
My heart goes out to Boston still.. And now it's opened even more to reach out to West, Texas.
Monday, April 15, 2013
Boston Marathon </3
With all that happened in Boston today the post that I was going to write about my hard day at work just seems kind of silly..
All of my prayers, thoughts, hugs, happy thoughts are being sent to Boston.
All of my prayers, thoughts, hugs, happy thoughts are being sent to Boston.
Sunday, April 14, 2013
The BEST gift giver
I've always been the first to start Christmas shopping in my family.
I spend, at most, $35 on the presents combined.
I give the best presents.
Usually the gifts have a common theme, but they're all personalized for the family member that they are going to..
One year I gave journals. On the front was their first initial, inside was a heartfelt letter from me. And accompanying it was a coloring book to suit their personality.
This past Christmas I got each person a cookie tin, each lid had something different, to match the personality of the receiver. The cookie tin was filled with yummy chocolate, hot cocoa packets, candy canes, and other Christmas candy. Each person also received some kind of little knick knack. One sister received a small dish to place earrings in, another received a small jewelry box, one brother received a piggy bank, my parents received a small figurine. I spent a total of $20.
See, you CAN have an inexpensive Christmas. :]
I've always given the best gifts and the family can never guess what will come this year.. But I can never hold it in. So I'll end up telling one sister, it switches off each year. :]
And although I will be away from home, yet again, this year, I hope to retain my title. The title of.. The BEST gift giver.
You guys have no idea what's coming. :]
P.S. 50% of 2013's Christmas shopping is already complete!
I spend, at most, $35 on the presents combined.
I give the best presents.
Usually the gifts have a common theme, but they're all personalized for the family member that they are going to..
One year I gave journals. On the front was their first initial, inside was a heartfelt letter from me. And accompanying it was a coloring book to suit their personality.
This past Christmas I got each person a cookie tin, each lid had something different, to match the personality of the receiver. The cookie tin was filled with yummy chocolate, hot cocoa packets, candy canes, and other Christmas candy. Each person also received some kind of little knick knack. One sister received a small dish to place earrings in, another received a small jewelry box, one brother received a piggy bank, my parents received a small figurine. I spent a total of $20.
See, you CAN have an inexpensive Christmas. :]
I've always given the best gifts and the family can never guess what will come this year.. But I can never hold it in. So I'll end up telling one sister, it switches off each year. :]
And although I will be away from home, yet again, this year, I hope to retain my title. The title of.. The BEST gift giver.
You guys have no idea what's coming. :]
P.S. 50% of 2013's Christmas shopping is already complete!
Over-thinking
I over-think and analyze things. I think of 5 or 10 different ways that I could arrange my room. I think of 5 or 10 ways I could accomplish or prepare an assignment; I think of 5 or 10 ways I could write/present that assignment. I experiment with 3 or 5 ways of doing certain tasks in my job; I experiment and gauge on productivity and efficiency.
I think too much.
I know what you'd say in a conversation. No, not the exact words, silly. But I know the general gist of what you would say.
I think of the routes I could take in life. Some of the detours I will likely face.
I think of what I learned from certain experiences, and from knowing certain people.
I think of how past experiences have see me up for accomplishing tough tasks & trying times.
It takes me a few minutes to text you back? Before I text you back I rewrite the message 2 or 3 times.
And yet I don't usually think before I speak. That can be a good thing or a bad thing.
Before going away to school I though of all the classes I'd take, how I could apply what I would learn to my business life and into my personal life. I thought of logistics regarding housing, food, finances, leisure time, etc.
I'm an analyst. It's not something I asked for. It's not for everyone.
I seem really quiet and shy? I'm thinking about what just happened, how it could have negatively or positively affected someone, and how it affected me. Or in simply thinking of something that's been on my mind for a while.
You've just confided in me? My thoughts are fully on what you're saying. I won't tell, I won't drop a tidbit of information. I may give my opinion or what I would do in that situation, but only if you ask.
You asked for my advice? I'll just let words pour out. I won't think it through thoroughly. Which is weird since most people take more time to think advice & important information through. I'll give it to you straight; I don't sugarcoat anything. But I will make sure you understand I will love you even if you spit in my face and go a completely different direction than I would.
You told me of something that's bothering you? I will listen to every word you have to say. I'll simply let you talk, uninterrupted. I will let you keep on going until you have nothing else left. I will nod my head or smile when I understand or agree. I will grunt or shake my head when I'm not so sure about what you just said, or if I am not sure about what you said/are suggesting. I will not give any opinion or thoughts, no personal preferences unless I am asked to share.
I am generally an introvert.
I know I think a lot. I know I'm quiet. Some may think I'm stuck up if I don't talk to them; I hate that people might think that. I definitely don't mean it like that. I know I'm not very sociable. I know I don't have fun like most people.
Having a really thought provoking conversation is so great to me.
I think 'what if' too often. I think 'if I could just do this a little differently' too often. I replay conversations in my head to know what I missed, to know what to bring up in the next conversation.
I literally stay up just laying in bed thinking about how to do certain things a certain way and what the consequences may be.
When I worked as an assistant preschool teacher, I would lay in bed and think of what I needed to accomplish with my kids the next day.
When I was in high school I'd 'write' my papers in my head. And I'd rewrite them and I'd rewrite them. I'd barely pass my English classes, because I wouldn't turn in drafts for my essays. If turn in one edited draft and a final draft. While the teacher requested four drafts.
That still happens to me in college. I 'write' stuff in my brain. And I don't put it onto paper or type it out until its nearly perfect. Unlike this blog post. Or any of my blog posts.
My blog posts are the only things that I don't try to perfect. They're best as words written out in the moment, blurred together, making some sense but not entirely what you wanted. I do go back and edit some of the posts, but I love how raw they are. Full of run-on sentences, almost destroying the human language. But that's the only time I let my mind stop. Stop processing grammar. Stop trying go be perfect. Just live.
I think too much. And now I won't be able to sleep until I make this post look better. Or will I just let my imperfectness take over and leave this be?
I think too much.
I know what you'd say in a conversation. No, not the exact words, silly. But I know the general gist of what you would say.
I think of the routes I could take in life. Some of the detours I will likely face.
I think of what I learned from certain experiences, and from knowing certain people.
I think of how past experiences have see me up for accomplishing tough tasks & trying times.
It takes me a few minutes to text you back? Before I text you back I rewrite the message 2 or 3 times.
And yet I don't usually think before I speak. That can be a good thing or a bad thing.
Before going away to school I though of all the classes I'd take, how I could apply what I would learn to my business life and into my personal life. I thought of logistics regarding housing, food, finances, leisure time, etc.
I'm an analyst. It's not something I asked for. It's not for everyone.
I seem really quiet and shy? I'm thinking about what just happened, how it could have negatively or positively affected someone, and how it affected me. Or in simply thinking of something that's been on my mind for a while.
You've just confided in me? My thoughts are fully on what you're saying. I won't tell, I won't drop a tidbit of information. I may give my opinion or what I would do in that situation, but only if you ask.
You asked for my advice? I'll just let words pour out. I won't think it through thoroughly. Which is weird since most people take more time to think advice & important information through. I'll give it to you straight; I don't sugarcoat anything. But I will make sure you understand I will love you even if you spit in my face and go a completely different direction than I would.
You told me of something that's bothering you? I will listen to every word you have to say. I'll simply let you talk, uninterrupted. I will let you keep on going until you have nothing else left. I will nod my head or smile when I understand or agree. I will grunt or shake my head when I'm not so sure about what you just said, or if I am not sure about what you said/are suggesting. I will not give any opinion or thoughts, no personal preferences unless I am asked to share.
I am generally an introvert.
I know I think a lot. I know I'm quiet. Some may think I'm stuck up if I don't talk to them; I hate that people might think that. I definitely don't mean it like that. I know I'm not very sociable. I know I don't have fun like most people.
Having a really thought provoking conversation is so great to me.
I think 'what if' too often. I think 'if I could just do this a little differently' too often. I replay conversations in my head to know what I missed, to know what to bring up in the next conversation.
I literally stay up just laying in bed thinking about how to do certain things a certain way and what the consequences may be.
When I worked as an assistant preschool teacher, I would lay in bed and think of what I needed to accomplish with my kids the next day.
When I was in high school I'd 'write' my papers in my head. And I'd rewrite them and I'd rewrite them. I'd barely pass my English classes, because I wouldn't turn in drafts for my essays. If turn in one edited draft and a final draft. While the teacher requested four drafts.
That still happens to me in college. I 'write' stuff in my brain. And I don't put it onto paper or type it out until its nearly perfect. Unlike this blog post. Or any of my blog posts.
My blog posts are the only things that I don't try to perfect. They're best as words written out in the moment, blurred together, making some sense but not entirely what you wanted. I do go back and edit some of the posts, but I love how raw they are. Full of run-on sentences, almost destroying the human language. But that's the only time I let my mind stop. Stop processing grammar. Stop trying go be perfect. Just live.
I think too much. And now I won't be able to sleep until I make this post look better. Or will I just let my imperfectness take over and leave this be?
Countdown!!
Guess what world?
I will be a missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in less than 4 weeks. :]
My excitement & my worries grow daily. I cannot fully comprehend what I will tasked with in the next 18 months. One thing that I know for sure.. I'll get through it, with The Lord's help. & I would love to have your support and love as well!!
If you would like to write me letters or have me write you a letter or two, just give me your email & we'll go from there. :]
I will be a missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in less than 4 weeks. :]
My excitement & my worries grow daily. I cannot fully comprehend what I will tasked with in the next 18 months. One thing that I know for sure.. I'll get through it, with The Lord's help. & I would love to have your support and love as well!!
If you would like to write me letters or have me write you a letter or two, just give me your email & we'll go from there. :]
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
Woulda, Shoulda, Coulda and Reality
Disclaimer: this post is going to be looooong. And I forgive you if you don't read past the second or third paragraph. :]
Lately I've been thinking..
~ About where I thought I'd be (based on what my high school self thought).
~ Where I should be (if I had pushed myself so hard that I almost broke).
~ Where I could be (if I had done something differently).
I would have been either married or engaged by now. I would be almost finished with my Associate's degree in Secondary Education. I would have a crummy job that barely pays the bills. I would be madly in love with my husband or fiancé. I would never think twice about deciding to get married before having the opportunity to go away to school or to go on a mission. I would live close to my family. I would be the first kid to get married. The age difference between my husband or fiancé and I would be a large amount (think 5-10 years). I would settle for nothing less than a sealing ceremony in the temple to a worthy priesthood holder. I would be the first kid to have a baby. I would have a great job to start at once I graduated. I would save my first kiss for my husband.
I should be a college graduate (an associate's degree). I should have had a useful, looks really good on a resume, could get me into my dream job, high paying job, something that I love kind of job [<<<< I should also know what a run-on sentence looks like]. I shouldn't have thrown away those chances at love (even if I wasn't totally feeling it; I turned things off way too quickly). I shouldn't have pushed that guy away so fast; I shouldn't have made excuses. I should have told another guy how I truly felt about him; I didn't show him how I truly felt. I shouldn't have told that missionary that I'd wait for him. I should have been more careful and conscious financially. I should have had a Plan B. I should have known that I'd need Plans A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, and Y; crazy right?! :]
I could have been this___close to having my Associate's Degree in Early Childhood Education. I could be this.close to having my certificate in Administrative Assisting (just need to re-do one class and for that darn internship to actually count). I could have fallen in love (at least 3 different times). I could have gotten that dream job.. if it had been a realistic one. I could have stayed in Utah after the school year ended. I could have been so many other things. I could have.... isn't the list endless?
I am a college student. I am a Mormon. I am a person. I am an adult. I have lived on my own. I have lived in the city. I have found out so many of my idiosyncrasies. I have had so many experiences that I never imagined I'd have; but I'm so happy I've had them!! I am not married. I am not in love; I haven't experienced that yet. I am single and happy with that, for now. I am going to be a missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints; I will do so in the neighboring cities of Phoenix, Arizona. I am so happy that so many things didn't go the way that I thought or had planned they would. I am still waiting to find love, but obviously it's not my time yet; it's been so hard to accept that, but every day it becomes clearer why I need to wait longer; what I need to do before that time can come; how I need to improve myself. How can I be so happy if nothing I thought/planned turned out? How is that even possible? The explanation that truly explains how I feel.. How I can be okay with that..
I am so thankful for a loving Heavenly Father that knows me, my needs, my idiosyncrasies, my faults, what my makes me stubborn, my weaknesses, the best way(s) to teach me. I'm glad He knows all of that, but I'm especially glad that He loves me regardless. He loves me even though I am VERY impatient, I am stubborn, I tend to prefer to have things my way, I don't learn easily, I am hard to please, I keep to myself so Heavenly Father is the ONLY one who knows everything about me. He loves me and He wants what's best for me. He wants to help me improve. And He'll push me so hard so that I can improve. He's pushing me down paths I never imagined my self on, but they're the only way for me to go; to help me learn, experience, feel, etc. I will be stubborn, I'm going to fight the paths I don't want to go down. But I need to start realizing how much they're going to help me, prepare me for what's coming. They will, to some extent, eventually, help me get to where I originally thought I would go.
Lately I've been thinking..
~ About where I thought I'd be (based on what my high school self thought).
~ Where I should be (if I had pushed myself so hard that I almost broke).
~ Where I could be (if I had done something differently).
I would have been either married or engaged by now. I would be almost finished with my Associate's degree in Secondary Education. I would have a crummy job that barely pays the bills. I would be madly in love with my husband or fiancé. I would never think twice about deciding to get married before having the opportunity to go away to school or to go on a mission. I would live close to my family. I would be the first kid to get married. The age difference between my husband or fiancé and I would be a large amount (think 5-10 years). I would settle for nothing less than a sealing ceremony in the temple to a worthy priesthood holder. I would be the first kid to have a baby. I would have a great job to start at once I graduated. I would save my first kiss for my husband.
I should be a college graduate (an associate's degree). I should have had a useful, looks really good on a resume, could get me into my dream job, high paying job, something that I love kind of job [<<<< I should also know what a run-on sentence looks like]. I shouldn't have thrown away those chances at love (even if I wasn't totally feeling it; I turned things off way too quickly). I shouldn't have pushed that guy away so fast; I shouldn't have made excuses. I should have told another guy how I truly felt about him; I didn't show him how I truly felt. I shouldn't have told that missionary that I'd wait for him. I should have been more careful and conscious financially. I should have had a Plan B. I should have known that I'd need Plans A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, and Y; crazy right?! :]
I could have been this___close to having my Associate's Degree in Early Childhood Education. I could be this.close to having my certificate in Administrative Assisting (just need to re-do one class and for that darn internship to actually count). I could have fallen in love (at least 3 different times). I could have gotten that dream job.. if it had been a realistic one. I could have stayed in Utah after the school year ended. I could have been so many other things. I could have.... isn't the list endless?
I am a college student. I am a Mormon. I am a person. I am an adult. I have lived on my own. I have lived in the city. I have found out so many of my idiosyncrasies. I have had so many experiences that I never imagined I'd have; but I'm so happy I've had them!! I am not married. I am not in love; I haven't experienced that yet. I am single and happy with that, for now. I am going to be a missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints; I will do so in the neighboring cities of Phoenix, Arizona. I am so happy that so many things didn't go the way that I thought or had planned they would. I am still waiting to find love, but obviously it's not my time yet; it's been so hard to accept that, but every day it becomes clearer why I need to wait longer; what I need to do before that time can come; how I need to improve myself. How can I be so happy if nothing I thought/planned turned out? How is that even possible? The explanation that truly explains how I feel.. How I can be okay with that..
I am so thankful for a loving Heavenly Father that knows me, my needs, my idiosyncrasies, my faults, what my makes me stubborn, my weaknesses, the best way(s) to teach me. I'm glad He knows all of that, but I'm especially glad that He loves me regardless. He loves me even though I am VERY impatient, I am stubborn, I tend to prefer to have things my way, I don't learn easily, I am hard to please, I keep to myself so Heavenly Father is the ONLY one who knows everything about me. He loves me and He wants what's best for me. He wants to help me improve. And He'll push me so hard so that I can improve. He's pushing me down paths I never imagined my self on, but they're the only way for me to go; to help me learn, experience, feel, etc. I will be stubborn, I'm going to fight the paths I don't want to go down. But I need to start realizing how much they're going to help me, prepare me for what's coming. They will, to some extent, eventually, help me get to where I originally thought I would go.
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