What If Books Had Different Names? : J. Patrick Lewis

What If Books Had Different Names?
J. Patrick Lewis

"What if books had different names
Like Alice in... Underland?
Furious George,
Goodnight Noon,
Babar the Beaver, and
A Visit from Saint Tickle Us,
Or Winnie-the-Pooh Pooh-Poohs,
The Walrus and the Carp and Her,
The Emperor Has No Clues,
Or Mary Had a Little Clam,
And how about Green Eggs and Spam?
Well, surely you can think of one.
Oh, what extraordinary, merry
Huckleberry Funn!
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I think this may be my most favorite poem!
It reminds me of a skit.

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"If Dr. Seuss wrote the Book of Mormon"
Author Unknown

What if certain books had been written by a different author,
Like Shakespeare, or Milton, or Dickens or Chaucer.
And then giving this ponder a little more juice,
What if the Book of Mormon had been written by Dr. Seuss?


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Nephi:
Of goodly parents I was born
I've never drunk, I've never sworn
This is Lehi, he's my dad
Laman, Lemuel, they are bad
And who is this? Why this is Sam.

Sam:
Yes, this is Sam; Sam I am

Laman:
That Sam I am, that Sam I am
I do not like that Sam I am

Sam:
In a tent, my father dwelt

Laman:
And it's so hot, I think I'll melt

Lemuel:
Our father's brain is out of whack

Laman:
Yeah, it's too hot, I'm going back

Lehi:
Then go and get the plates, my dear

Laman:
On second thought, I'm staying here

Nephi:
You said you'd leave and go away
Now all you want to do is stay?

Lemuel:
That Nephi always gets his way

Laman:
Here we are in this damp cave

Sam:
We would not be here if you'd behave

Nephi:
I will go and I will do
There's the angel, that's my cue
Laban's had too much to drink
Now he'll lose his head, I think

Nephi:
Look what I found, a brother from the quorum

Sam:
We will take him home, we will call him Zoram

Laman:
Our gold and silver we have spent
I do not like it in this tent

Lemuel:
I cannot read the Liahona
I must have drunk too much Corona

Laman:
We hate it here, we have no lives

Lehi:
Then go back to the city and get some wives

Lehi:
A tree, a tree, I see a tree!!
The fruit is white, the fruit is free!
A floating building, could it be?
Why do they laugh and stare at me?
Laman, Lemuel, come and see!

Laman:
We will not eat your precious fruit

Lemuel:
We will not wear a tie and suit

Laman:
We will not help you build your boat

Lemuel:
We do not think that it will float

Laman:
No not this boat, it will not float
Not even in a shallow moat
I do not care what Nephi wrote

Lemuel:
We will not eat your fruit I say

Laman:
We will not eat it on a tray

Lemuel:
And we won't eat it in a tent
Not even if your clothes you rent

Laman:
We'd rather have a can of spam

L&L:
We will not eat it, Sam I am

Sam:
You do not like it, so you say
Try it, try it, and you may
Try it and you may I say

Laman:
Sam, if you will let us be,
We will try it, you will see

L&L:
Say, we like this fruit of life
Sorry that we caused such strife
You've saved us from an awful jam
Thank you, thank you, Sam I am!