Goodbye Teenage Life

(Originally written 7/21/2012)

Tomorrow I'll be 20. No longer a teenager. How is it possible that I was a teenager for only 7 years?! Most people end their teenage years while in their first or second year of college, or in their first or second year of full-time employment. My story is quite different.

I graduated high school 2 months and a week before I turned 17. Three years later, on the eve of my 20th birthday, I've decided to look back at my life and see what's happened since I turned 13.

Here's some of the things that happened during my teenage years:

Thirteen:
~ I was about to start 8th grade.
~ I got free lunch by working half of lunch period in the school kitchen.
~ I had to make new friends since most of my friends from 7th grade had moved.

Fourteen:
~ I got my first job! I only went to work for 2 or 3 weekends and then got laid off since the tourist season was slow.
~ I started high school.
~ I went to a high school 30 minutes from my house (even though there's one five minutes from my house).
~ I had my first teacher crush: Ben Johnson. He taught all things camera and video related.

Fifteen:
~ I decided that I hated high school and wanted to graduate a year early. That summer I started taking online classes in order to graduate in 2009 rather than in 2010, when I was supposed to graduate.
~ I joined Drama Club, which ended up just being a group of kids hanging out after school occasionally talking about plays and such.
~ A boy told me he wanted to be my boyfriend. I said no. The fact that he was my brother's best friend may have had something to do with that. And the fact that I wasn't allowed to date until I was 16. But especially since he was a player.
~ My best friend started dating a boy. He had a brother that was just a little bit older than him (they're both adopted). Everyone thought that me and the brother should start dating. I still wasn't 16; plus, I hated his stinkin' guts.

Sixteen:
~ I had such a fun birthday party; and we ran into some cute guys.
~ I switched high schools. I decided to go to the school that's only five minutes from my house. I was going to school full-time, working after school, and still doing some online classes to ensure that I could graduate in May.
~ Remember that boy that wanted to date me? He was back in the picture again. And I said no, again.
~ I graduated in May!!

Seventeen:
~ My brother left to serve a two-year mission for our church (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, sometimes called the 'Mormons').
~ Remember the brother of the guy that my best friend was dating when I was fifteen? (we'll call him Calvin) We met up the summer I turned seventeen. We'd been apart for a year since we attended different schools. I was going to school and working, he had gone to a military academy. We talked for hours on end and not irritate each other. He was leaving at the end of the summer to serve a two-year mission for our church. Would I wait for him to return so that we could see if we could have a relationship? I said sure. Two weeks later I had doubts. I knew he wasn't the man I wanted to marry, but I told myself that I wouldn't date anyone while he was gone, at least I wouldn't get married, I would wait for him to come home so I could tell him in person.
~ I started working full-time at a grocery store ten minutes from my house.
~ I got my driver's license!
~ I was taking classes part-time at a local university.

Eighteen:
~ I quit my job at the grocery store and painted porches of apartment buildings for the summer.
~ I went on my first date (with a guy that was about fifteen years my senior) and had a great time!
~ I really liked the guy but my parents thought I was too young to be in a relationship, especially with someone so much older than myself.
~ I fell in like, with a guy that I worked with that summer. But he also left to serve a two-year mission for our church. He never knew how much I liked him.
~ I decided to attend a university out of state. I was going to leave in January of 2011, but was unable to for several reasons.
~ As the summer ended I looked for employment but spent several months with only the title of part-time student.
~ Around Thanksgiving I was hired at a daycare as a call-in substitute. In January I was given a full-time position that had me spending part of my day with one-year-olds and the other part of the day with preschoolers. I fell in love with the children quickly.

Nineteen:
~ I was still working at the daycare. I still worked part-time in the preschool room and the other hours were spent helping in the office and as the building substitute. I fell in love with every child at that daycare.
~ About a month after I turned nineteen I went to work at the daycare for my last day. My heart was broken as I said goodbye to all the children. I'd grown to love them all as my own. My heart and face smiled as I saw my preschoolers graduate and go off to kindergarten.
~ The first week of September I moved to Utah to go to school. It was my first move, I was away from home, but I had an aunt and uncle close by. I didn't know a soul on campus.
~ Friendships quickly grew while I was away at university. I went on a few dates, but didn't find Mr. Right.
~ The boy who left on his mission came home while I was at university (for the sake of me not typing that out every time I write about him, we'll call him Calvin). We sent texts and messages. But he was away working and wouldn't be home for a while. I didn't dare bring up the idea of us being something more than just friends. The letters he sent as a missionary were just friendly letters, except for the last one. He said there were things that he wanted to do and plan but he couldn't think about them until he was done with his mission. My feelings for him changed many times when he was on his mission. Yes, I really liked him; no, I didn't. When he came home and sent the first message I was convinced we'd never be more than friends. And then I realized that I like him, at least the version of him that I knew before he left on his mission.
~ I moved home in June, started looking for an internship and for employment. Neither came. The call saying yes to an internship finally came on Thursday.

Twenty:
~ I went with the family to pick up my older brother from the airport; he returned home from university.
~  Calvin called last night; I didn't answer. I had sent him a text asking when he was moving back home. He dropped his phone in the water last week and we hadn't talked since, he lost all his contacts and couldn't remember that was my number. And he wanted to see how I was doing. He's been home from his mission for almost a year; it's been almost 3 years since I'd seen him. Why didn't I answer the phone?
I guess maybe I didn't want to ruin things. My feelings for him have changed yet again. I really care about him; I want to date him. There are various experiences and conversations that we've had in the past that show me how different we are and how we may not get along; they keep on holding me back. They keep telling me that he's not the one for me and that I shouldn't put my heart on the line, especially if it's true that he's not the one for me.
I feel like I've stood in the way long enough; there have been guys in the past that have wanted me to let them into my heart, and I've pushed each of them away. Several times. It's time to let my guard down; I won't know joy if I don't experience sorrow.
I would be quite surprised if Calvin and I get married. And if we did we would have to date for quite a while to really understand each other and work some things out. But I really feel like this is what I need to be doing with my life right now.
Who would have thought that the boy I hated at fifteen would be the man I was dreaming about at twenty?

And that, is what's happened since my teenage years. :]