Over-thinking

I over-think and analyze things. I think of 5 or 10 different ways that I could arrange my room. I think of 5 or 10 ways I could accomplish or prepare an assignment; I think of 5 or 10 ways I could write/present that assignment. I experiment with 3 or 5 ways of doing certain tasks in my job; I experiment and gauge on productivity and efficiency.

I think too much.

I know what you'd say in a conversation. No, not the exact words, silly. But I know the general gist of what you would say.

I think of the routes I could take in life. Some of the detours I will likely face.

I think of what I learned from certain experiences, and from knowing certain people.

I think of how past experiences have see me up for accomplishing tough tasks & trying times.

It takes me a few minutes to text you back? Before I text you back I rewrite the message 2 or 3 times.

And yet I don't usually think before I speak. That can be a good thing or a bad thing.

Before going away to school I though of all the classes I'd take, how I could apply what I would learn to my business life and into my personal life. I thought of logistics regarding housing, food, finances, leisure time, etc.

I'm an analyst. It's not something I asked for. It's not for everyone.

I seem really quiet and shy? I'm thinking about what just happened, how it could have negatively or positively affected someone, and how it affected me. Or in simply thinking of something that's been on my mind for a while.

You've just confided in me? My thoughts are fully on what you're saying. I won't tell, I won't drop a tidbit of information. I may give my opinion or what I would do in that situation, but only if you ask.

You asked for my advice? I'll just let words pour out. I won't think it through thoroughly. Which is weird since most people take more time to think advice & important information through. I'll give it to you straight; I don't sugarcoat anything. But I will make sure you understand I will love you even if you spit in my face and go a completely different direction than I would.

You told me of something that's bothering you? I will listen to every word you have to say. I'll simply let you talk, uninterrupted. I will let you keep on going until you have nothing else left. I will nod my head or smile when I understand or agree. I will grunt or shake my head when I'm not so sure about what you just said, or if I am not sure about what you said/are suggesting. I will not give any opinion or thoughts, no personal preferences unless I am asked to share.

I am generally an introvert.

I know I think a lot. I know I'm quiet. Some may think I'm stuck up if I don't talk to them; I hate that people might think that. I definitely don't mean it like that. I know I'm not very sociable. I know I don't have fun like most people.
Having a really thought provoking conversation is so great to me.

I think 'what if' too often. I think 'if I could just do this a little differently' too often. I replay conversations in my head to know what I missed, to know what to bring up in the next conversation.

I literally stay up just laying in bed thinking about how to do certain things a certain way and what the consequences may be.

When I worked as an assistant preschool teacher, I would lay in bed and think of what I needed to accomplish with my kids the next day.

When I was in high school I'd 'write' my papers in my head. And I'd rewrite them and I'd rewrite them. I'd barely pass my English classes, because I wouldn't turn in drafts for my essays. If turn in one edited draft and a final draft. While the teacher requested four drafts.

That still happens to me in college. I 'write' stuff in my brain. And I don't put it onto paper or type it out until its nearly perfect. Unlike this blog post. Or any of my blog posts.

My blog posts are the only things that I don't try to perfect. They're best as words written out in the moment, blurred together, making some sense but not entirely what you wanted. I do go back and edit some of the posts, but I love how raw they are. Full of run-on sentences, almost destroying the human language. But that's the only time I let my mind stop. Stop processing grammar. Stop trying go be perfect. Just live.

I think too much. And now I won't be able to sleep until I make this post look better. Or will I just let my imperfectness take over and leave this be?